I'm constantly finding evidence of fire use by my 6 year old. We've talked about it and forbidden the behavior yet he continues with it. Is something wrong with him?

Experimentation, although dangerous, is a common behavior in young children.

They are exposed to fire early in life and it signals some very wonderful things in their minds like, birthday cakes, curling up by a warm fireplace on a cold night, campfires and barbecues. They watch us use fire again and again without anyone getting hurt and in fact, good things usually happen. They are maturing at a fast pace and everyday learning to do "grown-up things." They often see fire use as a skill to be mastered and don't fully understand what fire is.

What kind of children experiment with fire?

There are many studies and theories on the factors which contribute to juvenile firesetting. Age, intelligence, social skills, economic background, family life, emotional and physical well-being are all factors that can contribute to the problem. Because there are so many factors, each firesetter should be evaluated on the basis of their individual situation. This can be confusing for parents trying to understand this behavior, but the experts have discovered that there are some common denominators parents should be aware of.

First, some studies have indicated that as much as 50 percent of children surveyed admitted to misusing fire. Most children who misuse fire are between the ages of 4 and 9. Most are boys, and they usually use matches or lighters to start their fires. Many of the children surveyed indicated that they did not understand the power of fire. They understood that a match could burn a piece of paper but are unable to comprehend that it can burn down a whole house. Most children have never seen a whole house burn down but they know that when an adult lights a candle, the whole house does not burn down.

Children who experiment with fire are trying to learn how it works, what it can do and what it's limits are.

So, if this is normal, won't my child grow out of it?

In reality, many kids do. Maybe you are one of them. The problem is that many aren't given that opportunity because the fire they set took their life. Some have survived but have to live the rest of their lives knowing a brother or sister did not.

Because many of us survived and "grew out of" curiosity about fire, we sometimes are more inclined to let our children do the same. Some parents accept experimentation with fire as a "normal part of growing up" and although they scold their children when they catch them, they make no effort to limit access to fire tools. This is interesting since most parents would not give a child access to a gun and let them experiment with it until they learned how to properly use it or their curiosity was satisfied. While they are concerned about giving a child access to a gun, they don't think twice about leaving lighters and matches in plain sight. Lighters and matches kill too!

Is it possible that my child is a pyromaniac?

While all things are possible, it is not probable, so relax. There are few true pyromaniacs in the world, adult or juvenile. A 6 year old's unwillingness to listen to his parents and cease misuse of fire is probably simple curiosity and the fact that he/she doesn't believe something bad can happen.

Sometimes children misuse fire because something else is wrong. Maybe there has been a recent change in the home environment. Things like moving, marital problems, death of a loved one, death of a pet, or addition of a sibling can all cause a child to act out. The child sets the fires because when he does, he gets attention or the stressful activity, such as parents arguing, stops for a while. When the stress factor is addressed with the child, the firesetting will usually stop. It is a good idea to utilize the services of a trained child psychologist for children who are stress firesetters.

My child is a teenager, yet we have caught him several times using fire inappropriately. Is this just experimentation or should I be concerned?

Sometimes teens will experiment with fire. However, most of the time they misuse it because they do not have a healthy respect for what it can do. They may do it on a dare from a friend or just because, not realizing the consequences of destroying the property of others with fire.

Occasionally there is a teen who sets fires for spite. They want to get back at someone who has been unkind, broken up with them or done something else to hurt them so they set something belonging to the offending party on fire. While this is not pyromania, children who are strategic firesetters need the help of a trained child psychologist to help them work through their problems.

If we come to the fire department for help, will our insurance go up?

We don't report this information to your insurance company. The purpose of our program to effect your child's behavior through education.

Have I failed as a parent?

No. There are probably some things you could do better, such as control access to matches and lighters, but all of us have things we could probably do better as a parent. Hopefully the answers to the previous questions have shown you that there are many other parents right now who are in your shoes. We would like to try to help.